Donating Plasma

Because I had a mere $14, and because my friend Anna encouraged it, I donated plasma today. When I looked at plasma donation websites beforehand, I found they all advertise the feel-good benefits of donating plasma (it's used in a number of medicines, including rabies vaccines and blood clotting medicines for hemophiliacs). But when I got to the donation center, I realized most of the people there (about 10% college students) just wanted or needed the money. Hey, that's why I went.

It's not a bad way to make $30, actually. They ask you questions about your history of intravenous drug use, anal sex with gay men, and activities with prostitutes. They give you a brief physical (for free!) and test your blood protein levels (or something like that). They even have you piss in a cup, though I'm not sure what they were testing in the urine.

After some waiting (don't go at 3:30 in the afternoon), they stick a needle in your arm and pump blood out. The red blood cells are then returned to you in a saline solution, so you're okay to donate again in just two days! And while you're donating, you can listen to the man across from you talk about how he's immediately going to go to the plasma replacement store (read: liquor store) across the street. If you go for no other reason, go for the social re-education. One man kept insisting to the nurse that he needed to be re-stuck, and two other men argued boisterously over OSU football (it's not exactly a quiet hospital environment).

After the whole process is done, you collect $30 in CASH, and no side effects so far. I did feel a little shady selling my lifeblood instead of donating it, but... Hey, I just made $30! What was I talking about, again?

Creamy and Delicious?

I made a recipe for creamy sage-whiskey sauce tonight. While it was pretty tasty, I have some suggestions if you're ever going to attempt this recipe:

• DON'T substitute Bisquick for flour.
• DON'T substitute heavy whipping cream for evaporated milk.
  In the event that you have ignored my advice,
• DO expect to have triple bypass surgery the next morning.

Seriously. I can feel my arteries congealing. My days are numbered. My only hope is that the heart attack kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.

If the cash isn't enough...

This appeared in today's Lantern in the Crime Briefs. Apparently, the wallet wasn't quite enough.

7:20 p.m. - 1400 N. Fourth St.: The victim said that he was approached by someone who asked him if he had change for a $20. The victim said that he pulled out his wallet, and the person took it. The victim said the person then went through his coat pockets and stole his soda pop.